How far to go in taking care of her?

My 18 year old daughter has been struggling lately...again

It's certainly not new for her to struggle. S specializes in doing things the hard way. She's independent and will-full. She has to do things "her way".

Two weeks ago she returned to the H boarding school after Christmas break. Overall, I'd grade our holiday break a six on a scale of one to ten. Believe me, we have done WAY worse! The bumps that came up were overshadowed by some really positive developments. She got her first drivers license. She didn't have any accidents with my car. She was a trooper in getting her wisdom teeth out. We had fun together. We had some a couple substantive conversations.

The "bumps" were not inconsequential. She had an unpleasant experience with street drugs, particularly their after-effects. To say she was massively hung-over is an unfair understatement. In any event, we dealt with the good and the bad, and she seemed to be heading back to school in good shape.

A week later, however, I got a call from the school. "S is struggling. She's losing weight. She's not eating, she's irritable, she says she's not sleeping."

My response? "What a bummer for her. Does she want help? Is she asking for help?" I told them I was open to paying for an outside therapist, but only if I heard from S, in her own voice, that she wanted such help. I haven't gotten such a call.

Part of me is wondering if she is searching for her "bottom". That point where a struggling person realizes they are out of control. That they need help. When they finally seek and ASK for help.

Nevertheless, I went ahead and got the information about the psychiatrist affiliated with the H School. I called him. I made an appointment. I gave him my billing information. All this despite the fact that I told S that she was going to have to take responsible herself for what she puts into her body, and for getting medical advice about drugs, IF SHE WANTS IT.

Did I sell out? Hopefully not.

We'll see what happens when she sees the doctor for the first time next week.

Stay tuned.